Hmm.  problematic.  Apparently while at my relatives' for thanksgiving, dad happened upon my cousins link to this, my blog.  (DORY! :)).  Dad read it all, and Mom read some.  and they'll probably read this entry, while I decide what to do about it.  Now, I fault no one for this.  blogs are public domain.  I would not be surprised (and would even be mildly flattered) by the notion of total strangers coming up and reading about my silly little life.  And I haven't written anything that I'd be too ashamed for them to read.  I stand by what I say here.  Heck, I think I say in one of my first few etnries a quote from another blogger I liked about how, some times and in some ways, you wish people could just find your diary or somesuch.  this blog is far from private, and I love my parents, and hey, dad didn't have to ever tell me he was reading and justifiably (though it was 19 days of being home and a month after his initial discovery that he told me), but I ultimately just don't think I want them reading it.  They're my parents.  that's a bit weird  So what to do about it?  Katie suggested that I go to Livejournal, where I could do friends only entries.  sounds nice, I guess, but I don't like switching, and I think xanga can do similar stuff (never tried out the private and protected entries).  Dad did comment, after telling me, that he didn't wnat to ruin this for me, and might be willing to just say he wouldn't read it anymore.  my first thought was extracting a similar promise.  But then, I dunno, I don't want to leave it just sitting here.  I feel like I could never quite casually make comments about so many thing with the knowledge that this place was a mere click away for my parents.  I'm also pondering the concept of IP address blocking.  dunno about the possibilities of that, since I'm not xanga, and of course that's far from bulletproof, but it would serve as a nice little reminder, like closing the door of your room when you're not home.  sure, it's an easily surmounted obstacle, but its there.

'Course, a lot of this question is what do I want in my blog.  I could just open a word document and pour my heart into that.  but I like this format.  As I said, I'm a vain enough person that I like the thought that there are folks who read this, who find my life interesting, just as I like to randomly bounce around and follow up on the lives of 21 year old MKs in texas or 15 year old HS kids in Ohio who have no idea I exist.  While ultimately, as I've said, this is my blog, I write what I want in here, I'm well aware of an audience, or at least the possibility of one, and in most respects that thought is appealing to me.  I don't know, bright ideas?  knowledge of how to block IP addresses?  I think I'll check out the Xanga faq and see what options are available to me.

update: So Xanga does allow protected posts, but only for ten folks.  and IP address blocking is quite impossible, not that it matters because the folks' IP address changes.  Man.  Which leaves me with few options.  LJ and friends only posts?  promise extraction and nothing else?  word document?  Hmmph.  Bright ideas?

As a side note, this is a classic example of why ignorance is bliss.  A flawed saying, obviously, but still

It's not Christmas till you go to bed.  That being said, political correctness being damned, Merry Christmas

Y'know, even at the christmas eve service I was reflecting on time, and special days, and how it comes and it goes, at the exact same speed, and you just can't do anything about it, and Christmas would pass like any other day.  Depressing, neh?  Joy just hadn't really hit yet.  And I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow morning.  probably a mite grouchy when Becky wakes me up (again, note when I'm going to bed), but in the shower just now, I had something vaguely reminiscent of one of my old joy fits.  I miss my joy fits.  Being just momentarily overcome by an absurd giddy feeling, literally shaking with happiness for an instant with no real reason.  I never knew why, and I don't get them anymore.  and I guess Christmas is a reason.  but man, it felt good.  if it wasn't 4 in the morning, I would've yelled.  As was, I sang at a volume that was probably a bit too much and danced around in the shower some.  I don't know how to end this entry guys.  I'm happy.  I'm blessed.  I really am. 

Y'know, the first time I watched Love Actually (with Nathalie, Kirsten, and Becky from camp) and the evil seductress secretary came on, Becky immediately snapped "Slut!" at the screen.  I laughed and rather made fun of her for it.  The second time I watched Love Actually, when I first saw said character, I snapped "Slut!".  'course, I was alone, I don't react emotionally to movies when people are around.  Still, 5 seconds after this I realized it and was quite amused.

I feel obligated to note, I don't totally endorse Love Actually.  I fail to see why copious nudity was necessary.  but a few of the little short stories are really great.  My favorites are Aurelia and Jamie, and the really skinny whi girl who marries the black guy and his best friend.  The best scene is definitely when she busts into the best friends' apartment and finds and wtaches the video and all.  mm.  good stuff.  That's all.

Well, I just finished a Risk game, first in a long time.  If my brother were around, I'd discuss it with him, but he's not, and I won, so it'd be obnoxious to discuss it with Ben or Anna, so I'll discuss it here, where it's all good, except maybe a little arrogant, or at least coming off that way.  Eh, I always like to discuss how these games played out, even when I lose (though at points during this game I was planning my angry rant at why the stupidity of others caused my downfall :))  Anyway, here goes

so Anna, Jo (Anna D.), Rachel (D.), and Ben, and me (I) were the players.  We randomly assigned territories.  Ben and Anna split Australia and both built up hugely there, and Jo and Iboth had spots in N America, and built up there, though she spread her troops out a little too much (a couple spots with 3.  why bother?) and towards the end I noticed no one going for Africa and built up some thre.  Rachel was fairly clueless, it being her first time, and she just sorta spread her troops out, with an emphasis on S. America, which she would take and hold for most of the game.  Ben got unlucky in Australia, and Anna owned the whole of it by the end of the first round.  I thought he was irrelevant after that, but not so.  I killed Jo's attack force, but she had spread her armies out enough and the battle was even enough and I had enough forces in Africa (I think that might've been a mistake.  I didn't end up holding Africa till I had essentially won the game.  total concentration in N. Am might've been wiser) that I couldn't take the continent.  as a side note, in large games I feel that he who focuses on N. America is usually the winner.  Anyway,  Rachel took and hold S. America from the first round to the final turn, but never really did anything.  I told her to poke a hole in Anna's continent, but Anna convinced her that that was just me forwarding my own agenda (irritating that Rachel fell for that, but I too would take advantage of Rachel later).  I did take Africa that first round, but it was untenable, and Anna poked a hole in it.  For a few round it went like this.  Ben flung all he had left at Anna, I slowly cleaned Jo out of N. America (and the game), and Rachel squandered her troops in N. Africa.  Then I just got really lucky, and that ended it.  I cashed my risk cards first, finishing off Jo and finally conquering N Am.  Ben rather surprisingly got very lucky and took part of Australia, breaking Anna.  oh, and before that, the last turn she had being powerful, Anna poked a hole in Rachel's continent, inspring her wrath.  I had N. Am, cashed my risk cards and got Africa, made a show of being Rachel's friend by not invading S. Am.  Ben cleaned Anna out of Australia completely with his risk cards.  and Rachel attacked Anna wherever possible in Asia because I was her friend, and she let me have Africa and N Am (they were defended, but she could've poked a hole).  Finishing off Anna yielded me more risk cards, and the game was pretty much over.  It was just a weird game.  in the early going I was frustrated with Jo for assuring our mutual destruction in N. Am.  then I was so worried about Anna and frustrated with Rachel for not attacking her when she had the chance, and I had totally written off Ben.  But lo and behold, Ben broke Anna for me (it should be noted that he had territories in N am and could've more easily broken me.  I couldn't've dealt with another 3 troops each turn.  But he wanted vengeance, understandable), and the attacker's advantage came through for me against jo, and it ended up being one of the faster games of Risk I've played.  Ah life

I love strategy games.  I may take them a bit too seriously sometimes, but I love them.  seriously, call me, and ask me to play one with you.  I do talk a lot of trash though, be ready for that

I don't know that I have anything terribly insightful to say, but I feel like ranting, so we'll see where this goes. 

I finished Till We have Faces a while ago.  I mentioned that.  but I've been pondering some of the stuff she talks about.  or he really, it's written by C.S. Lewis.  but the protagonist is a woman, and an ugly one at that.  the book contains some sort of funny referecnes to gender, such as "This is where men, even the trustiest, fail us.  Their heart is never wholly given to any matter but that some trifle of a meal, or a drink, or a sleep, or a joke, or a girl, may come in between them and it, and then (even if you are a queen)  you'll get no more good out of them till they've had their way".  I see what he's saying.  I'll be having a serious talk and a joke will find its way in the middle of it.  which...is nice sometimes, really nice.  and sometimes is nice, but gets you off a topic you wanted to stay on.  and sometimes...is pretty shattering.  Or of course there's procrastination, ut that's a big can of worms that I shall not touch on this occasion

Another part, that I found really fascinating, comes from Orual's (the protagonist, the "author") talking of the conveniences of being an ugly woman.  Of course, this is a man actually writing this, so its hard to know how true it is, but anyway.  Orual spends the early part of the ook figuring out that she's ugly, and that of course is rough, but its sort of all she's ever know.  And then in a couple spots she talks about its usefulness, because men didn't think of her so much as a woman, so they could talk business with her more easily and such.  the most notable of these parts comes she and Bardia, the captain of the guard, have to spend a night out.  I'll just quote "When we had ended Bardia said, somewhat shamefacedly 'Lady, you're not used to lying in the open and you might be cruelly chilled before day.  so I'll make so free-for I'm no more to you, Lady, than one of your father's big dogs-as to say we'd best lie close, back to back, the way men do in the wars.  And both cloaks over us.'  I said yes to that, and indeed no woman in the world has so little reason as I to be chary in such matters.  yet it surprised me that he should have said it; for I did not yet know that, if you are ugly enough, all men (unless they hate you deeply) soon give up thinking of you as a woman at all".  I wonder how dear old Lewis strove, if anything, to gain perspective on these things, but I love his writing.  makes ya think.  and he's talking about what Orual figured out about men as much as her own feelings on the subject.

Anyway, that'll do for "Till We Have Faces".  What else what else what else?  Hanging out.  for the first week or so I was home I was pretty ored, 'cuz my old buddies hadn't gotten back yet, and HS is still in session.  I hung out with Becca one night, and tried to get out some, ut there wasn't much for me, really.  Now that's not the case at all.  all my old contacts are home.  but that's not what I started this paragraph to talk about, so I don't quite know why I'm telling you about it.  I wnated to talk about hanging out.  There are those folks who I'm sad I never really got to know, or got to "hanging out" status with.  For example, I ran into Mackenzie the other day.  Awesome awesome kid.  and she told me to give her a call maybe sometime.  which I would (and I may), but what to do if I call her?  The same is true of Phil, or adorable little Rachel (oh condescension).  I like movies, but I'm still adjusting to the concept of just watching tv together with folks.  It really came as a shock to me when I realized, some years ago, that people would invite other people to their house and just watch TV with them.  what's the point?  I've since come around to it somewhat-I watched a movie with Becca, and my relationship with Jay consists almost exclusively of dinners and movies-but it bothers me to no end.  Sarah once defended movies to me as (not an exact quote) "a way to spend time with people without feeling the pressure to talk", and there are other defenses of movies.  It's something to pretend to do.  You get to talk before, after, and-depending on your company's feelings on the subject and the quality of the movie-during (a la MST3K).  But even video games I feel are highly preferable.  You can talk while playing those, but you don't have to.  I don't advocate forced conversation.  One of my sisters' quotes, which I rather like, stolen from some book of course, is that if you can't sit in silence with someone for 30 minutes, you can't ever really be good friends.  Eh, as usual, no brilliant conclusion, just some random thoughts.

oh, one other quick finisher.  Important to take people up on their first invitation.  They just went through the above decision-making, poor kids need encouragement.  Otherwise they might decide that you don't like them or something.  terrible terrible terrible.

finisher to that thought, not to the whole thing, silly.  We had dinner at the Snouts tonight.  Ben told me he didn't read my latest blitz update to the family because he was scared off by the length of it.  What?  me?  longwinded?  never.  However, the funniest part was listening to the plans for xmas dinner.  We're having them over, of course, and Mr. S. (I never know whether I should call him David.  Fortunately it doesn't come up much) is pretty much doing it all, though mom's tagging along as his "partner" in it, which is kinda funny, because he's an amazing cook.  Not that Mom is terribly deficient at putting food on the table-I've quite enjoyed home food while home-but she's just no Mr. S.  He's apparently planning on making beef tenderloin stuffed with lobster.  what?  sounds absurdly fancy.  Yes, I know what both components are, but it never occurred to me to put one in the other.  Anyway, then he wondered aloudd what to serve for dessert.  The only fancy dessert name I could think of (which I'm familiar with only due to an analogy in a sci-fi book I read once) was Baked Alaska, so I threw that in there.  Both Mr. and Mrs. Snouts said "Ooo!" at the same time, and then Mr. S went off on this crazy plan he had to cut baby australian pineapples in half and shove them in a freezer until achieving some desired effect then torching the meringue, rather then putting it in an oven...I really didn't get it.  but it was pretty funny.  Certainly gives me something to look forward to xmas day.  Though honestly, I got plenty of joy out of eating the muddy buddy chex mix that my parents sunday school class gave them.  Who could ask for more?

There's other things I could talk about.  the choir concert was fun.  dinner with assorted people over the past few days was fun.  it's awesome to have all the old YG folks home, and I will hang out with them as much as possible (now there's a bunch of people I'm comfortable around).  Apparently we're going to see Finding Neverland tomorrow.  Oh, I accidentally walked off with Beth's clip-ons.  Oh!  I just realized I should've taken them to church today and given them to Steve so he could give them to her tomorrow at school.  darn.  but I think they have school tuesday too, so I'll give them to Sharon at Finding Neverland, and she can give them to Steve, and Steve to Beth.  sounds like a plan.  it's really quite snowy and cold these days though, hereabouts.  two days ago it wasn't bad at all, but now driving is woefully slow (or dangerous.  its a tradeoff of course) and it's cold.  my toes are constantly seeking refuge.  ridiculous.  alright.  this is long.  man, I've been writing this for like, half an hour.  also ridiculous.  If you're reading this, I don't believe you actually read the whole thing, you just skipped to the end, didn't you?  alright, ending it now.  if you're in town, give me a call.  we'll hang out :)  I've stated my love for xmas break, as its the perfect length, but now it feels too short.  so many people to see, so little time.  Farewell m'dears